Saturday 11 August 2012

A Very difficult Post.

This is a blog post Im not sure how to write, to be honest. Some people may be offended that I am writing it, others judgemental, but at this point, it`s more for me than for others, except perhaps one person, about whom this post is written.

As many of you know, last year, I went through a tumultuous time and fell deeply in love with someone, who then broke up with me unexpectedly at a low point in my personal life, and this nearly destroyed me. I was hurt, wounded and definitely emotionally trampled into the ground. His words were harsh, and cruel and cut very deeply. Furthermore, in anger I lashed out at him in a blog post and this, apparently, offended him so deeply he no longer wanted to speak to me at all. This did not help closure for me, and I will be honest that not a day goes by that I don’t have a thought about him.

But now, almost a year after we met, things are very different. I am in a good place personally, and have moved on well, only now he is suffering, and dying from cancer. 

It doesn’t help that he is a world away from me, and I honestly doubt he will even see this post before he passes on. 

I no longer feel anger when I think of him, and have found myself focussing on the good time (albeit brief) that we had together. I am sad that it couldn’t have been more and that he didn’t really give us a chance to know one another better and that was his choice. He is in a relationship with someone who cares deeply for him, probably even more than I did, and now as the disease gnaws at his body, that person is there to support him and care for him, and I can only imagine the terrible pain his partner is feeling.

To him I would say that I am glad we met, and spent time together. And for those who know him now and are friends with him, the pain of losing him will never pass, but we are all richer for having known him. Take from him his positive and leave behind the things which make you sad.

So farewell, and may armies of angels welcome you and take away your pain and suffering. I wish I had known you better, and you me.

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