RoadTrip 2012: 6 Days to go

6 days to go: Roadtrip planning.

So 6 days to go. I just mapped out the outbound trip on a new site, and have put up a travel page on my webpage. I’m starting to get more and more excited and nervous. And a little part of me is panicking. Leaving things I know. Going on an adventure across the country is exciting and daunting, stepping into the unknown as it were.

If blogspot allows, the map of the journey will be above this paragraph. 20 stops from departure to destination, spanning a total of 2 days and some 14 hours, if my calculations are correct. That’s a long time on a bus. Plenty of reading material is ready to go. I have pulled out a large  bag to start packing in. But what to pack? I’m going to be lugging this around at some point, so I really can’t pack too much. But my leathers and boots do need to go, as well as ‘street’ clothes. Weather in Calgary is quite different from Windsor, I am told and can fluctuate on a dime, so packing for all seasons is hard in a confined space.

Having now pulled out my bag, I’m starting to think I may need something bigger. I’m not going overnight here – this is a 3 week adventure – possibly longer. Maybe I’m over thinking and over planning here. I usually travel pretty light to begin with – but – often find myself short of things that I should have brought with me. Which brings me to my other concern.

This trip has been generously given to me by two people who dug deep into the wallets to pay for the tickets. And that is so awesome and truly is appreciated. My next concern though is spending money. I mean, it’s not like my webpage is supporting me right now, and lord knows my governmental allowance doesn’t go beyond rent and bills. So I have managed to get a little something in my back pocket for the trip, which will buy me food and refreshments while on the road, but what about while I am there.

I hate not being a man of means, as it were. Having been officially out of work for as long as I have is incredibly harsh on ones’ self esteem. I have been fortunate that many people in the past have managed to help and support me in truly rough times, and now I find myself going to a strange city practically penniless. I’m not concerned for the day to day necessities, which the pup is happy to provide while I am there. It’s the creature comforts to which I am accustomed, and sometimes even at home struggle to get. Cigarettes or tobacco products, soda, and that bar of chocolate at the cash register. Those sorts of things are impositions upon the pup I do not wish to make.

6 Days to go and I can only hope and pray that certain people who owe me money come through to provide some of that. We’ll see. Feel like donating or sponsoring me? Feel free!! My webpage has donate buttons everywhere!!!!

Other things on the go and on my mind right now. I’m planning some small surprises for the pups when I arrive. Good things, small, but, to my mind anyway, significant. I should imagine though that the first day of being there is going to be trying to catch up on sleep – as I truly don’t know how well I will sleep on the bus. Some things the pup expects, but some he doesn’t I don’t think. I’m excited and nervous for his reactions.

Last week I had a pretty rough week, and found myself experiencing a number of emotions – sometimes all at once. These included immense sorrow, and sense of loss, as well as a significant amount of homesickness. I realized I have now not been in South Africa for 12 long years. I guess watching movies like “Invictus” didn’t really help. If you haven’t seen it, I invite you to. It shows very much what South Africa was like during the period in which it was set. I remember being there. I remember living that. And I know what that incredibly feeling portrayed at the end of the movie was like. I can’t describe it – you truly had to be there.

Some people reached out and asked me what all I was going through last week. To be honest, there is/was so much it was insurmountable for a day or two. A lot has to do with me building up my walls again to protect myself. Walls I had willingly allowed to be taken down before, but can no longer leave those areas exposed – it is just too painful to allow myself to be hurt, and sometimes, one has to put up walls and keep things to oneself so as not to go ‘over the edge’ as it were.

I’m actually ok, though – I mean – I am still struggling with some things, but my overall outlook is better, and I’m focusing on the trip now in earnest. Looking ahead and working hard to not over analyze myself, something which I know I do entirely too much of.

Well I should end this post – there will be yet another tomorrow, and hopefully every day until departure. It’s going to be a bit weird having NO access to the internet while I travel – I don’t own a laptop or a cell phone – and yet – in some ways that is also mildly comforting!! I’m sure you all will be glad to get a break from my random ramblings by then!!!

Till tomorrow….